Losing Mom

I lost my mother a few weeks ago to cancer. Although it was expected, it happened WAY faster than any of us thought. I come from a line of mostly long-livers on both sides of the family so in our eyes she died young.  I have been on quite the emotional roller coaster, my own and other family members' which has proven quite stressful. Oh yeah, on top of it I have a marriage, home, and job to maintain which makes it even more challenging. This is new territory for me because although I have experienced the loss of close family members, it's my first time losing a parent...my mother...the woman who brought me life.  I also haven't really had a direct role in some of the responsibilities dealing with after-life business to tie up until now. When you're in that role, it's a constant battle of keeping up with what needs to be done while managing all the emotions and dealing with the emotions of other family members.  Plus, I don't always know what to do so I'm reaching out for resources and advice on how to handle things. This is where a good support system is necessary.  I can say that there have been some who have stepped up and some who have fallen back.  It's understandable because different people handle grief in different ways. I have also been enlightened on who my friends are...It has been both a surprising and disappointing experience but that is life I suppose. The one thing I seem to hear a lot is that "you're the strong one". Um...just because I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve and try very hard to focus on what needs to be done, doesn't make me the strong one.  I don't know.  I think that having that label is dangerous because we tend to be given too much and in being responsible people, take on too much.  I am trying to keep the balance so that my health isn't affected though but it's a tough balancing act for sure. In my quiet moments alone, usually when I first awaken in the morning is generally when I have to deal with my emotional pain the most. Some mornings I don't want to get out of bed but that isn't really a choice. I just keep pushing and take some comfort in knowing that Mom is no longer in pain, in a better place, and I will see her again.  There are a lot of things around me to remind me of her and it's a bittersweet pill to swallow but I believe she knew in her last days and moments how much she was loved.  Love you Mom...Forever!

Comments

  1. I feel for you and your painful journey. But cherish the time you had with her to get you through it. Yes you learn real quick and they hard way who you can depend on in a crisis, but that's a good thing. I too had to learn that some people are not that great at supporting you when the chips are down. But you wear your strength like a badge of honor and set your boundaries for those who want to pile more or your plate than you can chew!!

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